Why I Relay

I have got a few questions about why I am doing the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life this year. Some who want to know why I would leave up the stupid generic message on my contribution site (mostly from people who haven't sent me a contribution, heh) and some just curious soles. I have really not had a good answer for people, so I thought I would try to work it out here.....and what more appropriate time to work it out than the anniversary of my husband's death.

Why do I Relay?

I am doing Relay because 3 years ago at this time, I sat pretty closely to where I am now and waited for my husband to die. Occasionally, I would will myself into the bedroom to sit next to him, but that was excruciating. Frankly, if I could have done it without being the worst wife/person in the world, I would have bolted. Left the house, got a coffee, seen a movie. (He wouldn't have been alone, I am pretty sure you couldn't blast my MIL out of her chair with dynamite.) Sure the other people in the movie theater might have wondered why the crazy woman in the back was totally loosing her shit, but I was pregnant, I doubt they would have bothered me. After all, cooking and escapism is my therapy. But I stayed. And I prayed. I spent several hours praying my husband would die. We were beyond the possibility of correction and past communication and cherished time together. He had dropped into unconsciousness, had started to stop and restart breathing every couple of minutes, was moaning, and all I wanted was for it to be OVER. For both of us. For everyone in the room.

And that in a nutshell is why I Relay. Because NO ONE should have to pray that their husband/child/father/mother dies to escape the clutches of their disease. And I Relay because those of us who have gone through that need to meet other people who have too. We also need to meet people who haven't, people who have survived. Meeting the survivor's gives us hope for when we hear someone else we know or love is diagnosed. Also, people who have been touched by cancer are less likely to hear that I am a widow and shut down. It is easier for them to see that it is only a piece of who I am these days. I Relay because it is the only event that fights ALL cancers big and small and doesn't spend a lot of money sending people to Hawaii to run a marathon or other places on vacation. But mostly I go so that hopefully the next person I love who has cancer will be able to say that they beat it.

So if you haven't already supported me and you have even a dollar you would like to give, please head over to the ACS page at http://main.acsevents.org/site/tr/relayforlife/rflfy10ca?px=13788785&pg=personal&fr_id=20441 . And if you have lost someone to cancer consider buying a luminara with your loved one's name on it.