A minefield avoided

Discussion on the way home from soccer today:

A: I am glad we live in California.

Me: I am too.

A: Because nothing horrible ever happens in California.

Me: I think horrible things can happen anywhere, but I don't think you have to worry. I don't anticipate anything horrible popping up.

A: Horrible no good things can happen ANYWHERE?!

Me: I think so, but you don't need to worry.

A: Even in California? What kind of horrible things happen in California?

Me: let's not go there. There is no reason for you to worry.

A: Please tell me what could happen! Please!?

Me: What has got you so worked up? Why don't you tell me what you are worried about instead of me telling you what could happen.

A: Well, could an Giant come and destroy our town?

Me: No, I am pretty sure California is a Giant free zone.

A: Ok, could an invention with a giant whipping noodle come destroy the town?

Me: I am pretty sure we are safe from giant whipping noodles.

A: Could a flying robot army invade our town and make us slaves.

Me: I also think we are safe from flying robot armies.

A: Ok then. We are safe, so can I play with the neighbor?

Me: knock yourself out kid.

The Most Influential

I realize that my blog posts over here have been a bit political as of late. This is not usually my setting in life. I have always adapted a live and let live philosophy. My views have occasionally flip flopped (or evolved, depending on your level of benevolence) through the course of my life, so who am I to judge anyone. So I hope you will bear with me as I feel compelled to work through my political angst here.

Shortly after I graduated from High School someone gave me a book, The 100 Most Influential Women of All Time. It was a listing, highly subjective as these sorts of things are wont to be, of influential women as judged by the author and chairs of Women's Studies departments across the nation. The book had the women ranked and provided a brief biography for each entry telling why that person was influential. I can't remember who gave me the book, which tells me it was probably someone who did not understand how perfect the tome was for me. Snippets of information in a LIST, GOD I love lists. I devoured the book reading about the important women both historical and contemporary. I vaguely remember that I fully intended to make it a habit to read a full biography of one of the women every month and eventually work my way through the whole list, but you can guess how likely it is that that happened as I started college and my working career.

But what has popped back into my mind recently as I read the political news, as Facebook and my web boards lead me to research (because I eschew all news outlets unless I am actively seeking information), was my distinct belief at the time that the author had done a grave disservice by not placing Margaret Sanger a the top of the list. With the fight over Susan G. Komen's defunding of Planned Parenthood, the Girl Scouts need to defend their international organization's ties with them and the current fight against birth control, I feel that never has this opinion of mine been more true, or more controversial.

Tonight I went back and reread the mini-biography on Margaret Sanger and I was struck by how far we haven't come in 15+ years. (And, yes for some of my more editorial friends and family, I do realize this is probably not properly quoted, nor properly cited, but seeing as this is my personal blog and not a paper that I am turning in for credit or a published article I just don't care so there. PTHBBBT!)

"Birth control has continued to face opposition from the religious organizations, and the institutionalization of family planning has been criticized by those who view it as a form of social engineering. The legalization of abortion in 1973 further complicated the issue of reproductive rights. But few women would wish to return to the days before Margaret Sanger began her crusade, when these rights did not exist. " - Deborah Felder

I do believe this is true, but given the political rhetoric lately, I am sometimes not sure that everyone is sure of how true this is. Before Margaret Sanger and Planned Parenthood arrived on the scene there was NO way to prevent pregnancy. In fact, doctors were PREVENTED from discussing anything that could assist you in preventing pregnancy or venereal disease. Not even the rhythm method was available, and it was still fairly uncommon for women to be educated. So at that time about the best information you could get if you were poor was that sex sometimes got you pregnant, but not always and no one would tell you why or how to stop it if you already had 10 kids. Additionally, it was your husband's right to have at you any time he wanted with or without your consent.

From the time that Sanger opened her first birth control clinic in 1916 until 1960, there was NO pill and abortions were still illegal until 1973 and definitely not performed in the clinics. And yet Sanger and the organization that she founded were very much pariahs and damned by the Church.

So when we talk about political candidates that would like to take us back to a time when using birth control was illegal, and shutting down funding to an organization that has been at the forefront of allowing women access to knowledge about how their bodies work and how to not have so many babies you become sick from the stress on your body and can't feed all of your children, I wonder how many people really understand how far we have come in less than 100 years. Or maybe they know it in the back of their mind, but don't really consciously think about the implications of allowing politicians to roll back the clock.

Am I what's wrong with America?

Five years ago, I was pretty firmly in the 1% camp. My husband's business allowed us a level of income that made life exceptionally comfortable. We were able to open that business because he could be added to my employers insurance. Life was pretty darn good and politics were not really that important, and then cancer entered our lives.

Today, it seems that I am what the Republican party feels is wrong with America. I am a single mother who derives a high percentage of her income (supplemented with savings and investments) through an "entitlement" program (Social Security). I even had premarital sex, birthed a child out of wedlock (because her father died during pregnancy) and used birth control on and off throughout my adult life. I may be wrong in thinking that the Republican party tags the Social Security system as an "entitlement", because I think the loss of the Gray Panthers would cause the party to completely collapse, but that is mostly semantics. I take money from the government to raise my child, which in their eyes is clearly a defect in my character.

The Republicans/Tea Party members that know me shake their heads and give me all manner of excuses about why I am not really like the "leeches" that they are against. C. died, he didn't just abandon us. C. and I paid enormous amounts of taxes into the system when we were on top and I am just "getting it back". I was in no mental shape to return to work after the birth of A. (And there is no doubt that problems with anxiety are among the reasons I decided to take this path instead of one that put me back to work with A. was 4 months old.) The list of excuses goes on. But really, they are just excuses. I am the reason that these programs exist. They exist because it provides society a benefit beyond the value of the money I receive for A. to be well cared for with my presence more than would be possible with a full time job and with an appropriate level of housing, food, and clothing.

Based on my lowered income (especially because it is untaxed) I could qualify for other assistance programs. I choose not to apply for any of them because I don't really need them and I don't want to use program funds that could go to someone who really DOES need them. My life isn't what it was when C. was alive. Trust me, I would rather have him (and his income) back than take the government's money but life doesn't work that way.

Let's get into some facts about what the government assistance does for me. The money I receive is MUCH higher than many people get from the government because Social Security payments are a percentage of your former income (Not even close to a replacement though). I don't live a particularly extravagant lifestyle on that income. And the lifestyle I do live is only supported on that income because my husband and I paid our house off before his death and I have used 3/4 of our rather significant savings to continue to allow things like staying home, organic foods and continued travel to visit friends and family. Additionally, the passage of the healthcare bill has allowed A. and me to qualify for individual healthcare plans, which I had been turned down for before because I am overweight and had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant. A. was turned down because she was anemic as an infant. (Really, that was all that was needed to prevent healthcare coverage for a healthy 32 year old and 2 year old prior to the "HORRIBLE" Obamacare.) Without the government's assistance, my child would be in childcare for the 9 hours I would be at work, plus any commute time to and from her care to my office, 5 days a week. And when I was home, I would be significantly more stressed attempting to run a household on my own. I would not be able to plan to return to school as I am currently doing. And that is assuming that I could find a job in this economy.

So am I what's wrong with America? I prefer to think I am not. I am normal middle class American who is just trying to give her kid a solid foundation before she goes to school and I return to work. I am someone who almost has her feet back under her after the rug got pulled out from beneath me. I am the person who knows that taking the government's money to stay home benefits me AND society, who tries to take from the system only what I need and uses some of her time to try to give back through volunteering.

Clearly becoming a widow isn't the only (or most common) way for people's fortunes to be reversed, but it is my story. Compassion for those involved is necessary. Imagine what it would take for you to be on the edge. Maybe you lose all income in your house for an extended period. Maybe your spouse dies or up and leaves and decides not to pay child support. I bet it would take less than you think.

Oh how the mighty fall.

Let's dispense with the food first, since I am not sure that my actual blog post will make anyone want to eat.........

Monday nights are always an low cooking night around here. It is just me and the kidlet and we have an after dinner engagement to go to. So when I saw heart shaped cheese ravioli at Costco last week, it looked the perfect thing to have the night before Valentine's day and to serve to a kid as leftovers for lunch on the actual holiday. We spruced them up a tad bit by adding the last couple of tablespoons of cream to the last cup of a Classico Spaghetti sauce jar and nuked that up. Combined with a green salad and you have dinner in less than 15 mins. Hallelujah.

Since I have been reading about what kids eat, or how to get them to eat other stuff, I thought I would add a quick note about A. eats. Mostly she eats what we eat, but a little tweaked. There are a few things she absolutely won't eat. Lettuce, or other leaves are primary. But polenta and meat she thinks is "stringy" also are the no go list. So when we have salad, she has all the stuff that would be in a salad but with no lettuce. Chicken, carrots, tomatoes and avocado all hit the plate and are eaten. Last night is the only night that I will allow her to go off menu from the adults. There wasn't anything on that plate she would eat.....so she was allowed to have leftover mac & cheese from lunch with peas and a carrot stick. Nights when there is nothing that will work for her are pretty few and far between around here, usually she will eat the meat or veg and I have been known to supplement her plate with a fruit the rest of us don't have. This is not to say that I believe this to work for everyone, because honestly, I have no idea how much of her good eating habits are parenting and how much is just her personality. I would like to take credit, but it seems presumptuous considering no amount of modeling, cajoling, bribing and praising will get her to eat more than a bite of lettuce, sauteed greens or any orange winter squash. And getting her to swallow that bite is even harder.

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And now, on to a story. If potty humor or talk isn't for you, please feel free to skip this.

A. has already lost her privilege of playing out front in record time. While I was cooking dinner, she was out in the front with the neighbor's son, T. I went to the window to give them their 5 min warning and didn't see A. I asked T. where A. was and he said she was in the side yard. I yelled out to A. to come back into the front where I can see her from the windows. To which she replied that she couldn't. Puzzled, and a little annoyed at the lack of jumping to do my bidding, I informed her that she better have a good reason. To which she yelled at the top of her lungs, "T. MADE me POOP and I don't have anything to wipe with."

Oh. Sweet. Baby. Jesus. Did my kid just announce to me and all the neighbors within yelling distance that she dropped a deuce (in the vernacular) in my flower bed and was standing in said bed with NO PANTS ON???!!!??

Several things happened all at once. T. denied the charge. (No shit kid. Ha, see what I did there?) The 20-something single guy who lives across the street looked up from whatever he was doing to his enormous RV, immediately dropped his gaze, and hustled back into his house. And I said, "WHAT!?" And then deciding that she was clearly too young for a prank this elaborate, shut the window and hustled myself outside.

A. was in fact in the far side yard, behind a bush, pants around the ankles. There was evidence that she had, uh, done some business back there. I picked her up by the armpits and proceeded to carry her into the house exactly as I found her, while she was explaining. T. was clearly embarrassed to be greeted by the naked bottom of his playmate and averted his eyes. (Nakedness! And a Girl! Who isn't related to me! The HORROR!!!) She was insistent that T. had "made" her. I told her that was bunk, so she said, "Well, I said I had to go to the bathroom and T. said 'Pee in a bush!'" Ok, that I believe. T. of course was quick with a denial as we were walking past, but I clearly had bigger poop to scoop. I sent him packing without discussion.

A. was sent to clean up and get ready for dinner while I dealt with the dreaded No. 2. Afterward, she was informed that she has had her outside alone card revoked for bad decision making. And much later, with a glass of wine in hand, it is almost kind of funny. In a really gross way. But I will never admit that to A.

She's Growing up and More Dinner

Today I decided to start letting A. play out front a little bit without direct supervision. It is kind of a scary thing. While I know that the chances of her being kidnapped or even really bothered on our street are pretty darn slim.....it just seems like she is really little still. But she is anxious to do it, so we sat down and had a long talk about the rules. She may not leave our driveway or front yard. She may not speak to anyone if we don't know their name before they start talking, even if they have candy and/or a puppy. And all the windows and the front door must remain open, so I can pretty much hear every darn thing she is doing because our house is small and my daughter is not a delicate, quiet girl.

She is pretty good rule follower, especially when rule following nets her privileges she REALLY wants, that will swiftly be removed if the rules are violated. Our neighborhood is safe, a check of a year's worth of crime data in the area shows that anything but property crime is almost unheard of, and honestly, I am still checking on her every 3-5 mins while she out there so it is more like the illusion of unsupervised play.

We found a rope swing I had forgotten about in the garage and hung it up on one of the front trees, which was the real draw for the front yard, and she spent 30 mins happily swinging within arms reach of the house window. Most of the time she wants to play out front she has the neighbor's son with her so I am pretty confident that the novelty of the situation will wear off soon. Until then the new swing and the ability to ride her scooter around the parked car in the driveway that my husband enlarged to roughly the size of a basketball court will keep her entertained and looking to be on my best side.

But this newfound independence along with the fact that she starts Kindergarten in the fall only drives home that the point of parenting isn't to hold on tightly, but to teach them to fly so that they can be adults one day. It just wish the flying lessons didn't start so soon. And I wish that the world was such that I could let go this little bit without having to explain that not all people are nice and kind to children, and it is hard to tell from a first glance who is and who isn't.

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And while A. was exploring her new swing, I was busy making dinner. Braised Crosscut Shanks over Polenta with wilted Chard. (Do they even sell Crosscut Shanks at stores? I certainly had never cooked with them before I started ordering my meat on the hoof, but they are a tasty part. You can sub short ribs if you want or really any other braising bit of cow.)

This is not a quick fix dinner for the faint of heart. I started cooking the shanks when I was making lunch. A quick brown in some oil for flavor before they were pulled out of the pan, then some carrots, onions and celery sweated in the same pan before a deglazing with about a cup of red wine. (The dregs of a bottle that had been on my counter for 3 days.) I shoved the shanks back in and added some chicken stock to cover them about 1/2 way and turned the heat to low and left it alone while I did some work cleaning out my garage. (Why is my garage constantly full of stuff waiting to go to Goodwill?)

The shanks went on for a while before I added my polenta pot to the stovetop. Polenta is a labor of love. It takes about an hour and a half for it to be really done, and requires frequent stirring (like every 5 mins) so it is not for those busy days when you have tons to do, or for weeknights when you are rushing home. But it is easy and mindless as long as you put in the time. 6 cups of liquid get brought to a boil. (I tend to use chicken stock or stock and water, but some people use milk.) Whisk in 1 cup of polenta (or cornmeal). I like Bob's Red Mill course ground cornmeal because it is whole grain and doesn't taste any different, but they sell polenta in a bag with a pheasant on it in the flour aisle too. Turn the heat to low, and whisk a lot for the first 5ish mins. (Almost constantly) But then you can change to every 5 mins, toward the end you can even go a bit longer. If it starts to get so thick it is hard to whisk, add a 1/2 cup more water. My afternoon went something like, whisk the polenta, chop some veggie, check on A. Rinse, lather and repeat. The nice thing about polenta is that it is just as easy (hard) to make a big pot as a small one, and if you have leftovers you can pour them into a baking sheet and let it set up into a firm porridge. From there you can put it in the fridge and use the leftovers to make fried polenta by cutting it into squares and giving it a 4-5 mins on each side in a lightly greased pan. So one day cooking, two (or more) nights of side dishes.

About 20 mins before dinner is to be served, remove the lid from the meat pot, so that all the water can evaporate turning the wine, stock and melted fat into a lovely glaze. Grate about a cup - 2 cups of parmesano-reggiano and toss it into the polenta. About 10 mins before, take the chopped up garlic and shallots and throw them in olive oil in a skillet with chopped greens and wilt. Dump it all into the bowl and viola you have done your best Sunday Italian Grandma impression.

Dinner, Part II

Dinner with us, Day 2. What do you do when you have 3 heads of lettuce in your refrigerator? Dinner salad, of course. Tonight was Cobb salads. One of the true pleasures of living in California is that you can grill year round so I thew some chicken on the grill, baked some bacon and boiled some eggs for this classic salad.

I don't have a lot to say about this dinner, but I will take a second to mention baking bacon as a quick culinary instruction. If you don't cook your bacon this way, you should. It is SO easy and mess free. Just throw the bacon in a single layer on a baking sheet, put it in a 400 degree oven and 10-15 mins later great bacon is done. No flipping, no splatters, enough bacon for everyone all at once. Do it. You know you want to.

Seconds......food and otherwise

One of my internet friends decided to blog about her dinners this week. She also mentioned that she finds it fascinating to see what normal, non-food bloggers are eating for dinner. And since I am finding her posts to be very interesting....I figured I would go ahead and document a pretty average week worth of dinners from my family's perspective.

So tonight for dinner we had Chicken and Veggie Chowder with Whole Wheat Bread.

This is the time of year that I get pretty serious about eating down our freezer. My main chest freezer in the garage needs to be defrosted before I get the pig and cow that I purchase from the ranch back from the butcher in May. So I have an inventory of what is in there and try to plan meals to use up at least one thing from the freezer and keep the veggies we get in our CSA from going bad. (Because nothing is more irritating than paying to throw away vegetables.) Today we got rid of a bag of frozen corn that was looking a little freezer burned, some frozen homemade chicken stock and celery, leeks, onions and broccoli that had been hanging around my fridge long enough that I was starting to worry about the leeks going off. And just so you know, I do realize that it is a little crazy pants to keep a running inventory of your freezer. But only a little.

I don't really do a soup recipe but it essentially goes something like this: Grab the garlic, celery, leeks and onions and cut them up. Sweat them in olive oil (or you can add bacon slivers and do it in bacon grease if you really want to have a rich meal) in a big pan until they are soft. Pull them out. Cut up the chicken and cook it in the same pot in olive oil. When it is mostly done, throw the veggies back in. Dump in a bunch of chicken stock (Until it is covered but not by too much). Add herbs. (Bay leaf and thyme.) Bring to a simmer, and you can leave it there for awhile. About 1/2 an hour before eating, add a couple of cut up potatoes. Cook until the potatoes are soft. Add corn (frozen or canned) and broccoli florets. (If you don't have broccoli, you can leave it out or add spinach or chard instead.) Bring it back to steaming and let the broccoli cook. Right before serving add about a cup of milk and 1/2-1 c of cream. But don't let it boil after you add the milk products. Enjoy, and maybe have seconds. A declared it "delicious" even though it didn't have pasta, which is among the highest compliments she can give.

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And now to a real blog post.

Someone posted a link to this story on Facebook and it definitely resonated with me.

I can't tell you how many times as a single mother I have wondered about leaving A alone. Is it ok to run to the neighbor's house to borrow something while the 6 month old is napping? (It is less distance than if I had a big house and put the kid to sleep upstairs and walked to the family room.) How old does she have to be before I can leave her alone for a few minutes to go to the unattached garage and change laundry? And more recently, Can I leave a 4-5 year old at a table at a restaurant while I pee (very quickly) by myself, especially since her insistence that she DOESN'T NEED TO GO is about to break over to the loud and obnoxious state, and I don't want the waitress to think we are running out on our bill? (I do take my 4 year old out to eat with just the two of us, and it is great fun. Mostly.) When is it ok for her to play unattended with an older friend in the front yard in our, pretty darn safe, suburban neighborhood? When staying in a hotel, can you safely leave a sleeping kid to get a soda and ice from the machines at the end of the hall?

Sometimes I really wish kids would just come with a rule book. But then about 1/2 of the internet might go belly up......just look at the comments in the section for that guy who shot his daughter's laptop.