Relay

Last weekend was Relay for Life. Audrey and I spent the morning hanging out and then came back for dinner and my walking time. I was supposed to come back in the morning and do another round of walking, but for once my daughter slept in and we woke up about 10 mins before I was supposed to be there. I had such a good time just hanging out with the other Livermore Moms and talking to people on the track. Audrey had a BLAST hanging out with the lovely Miss Emma and that is ALL she can talk about now. I got to feed a crowd which always makes me happy.

Saturday would have been Carl's birthday, which was one of the motivating factors for my signing up for the walk in the first place. It really wasn't too bad of a day for me. I am always a little sad/jealous when surrounded by a lot of cancer survivors because I wonder why WE couldn't have been one of those families that made it to the other side. But that feeling was more of a background low level thing than it has been in the past.

It is amazing to me how differently people deal with a blow like cancer. There are some people who were newly diagnosed, who were still going through the fight there. These are people whose first instinct in a personal test is to get out. They immediately seek out ways to help others and support themselves in the process. They need to feel like they are doing something. My in-laws came, but really I am not sure they wanted to be there. I think people like them are more prone to pulling inward in a test. Seeking a way to deal with it themselves and not wanting to be reminded that others have been more fortunate, or even less fortunate. I think I am somewhere in the middle. I need some time to lick my wounds, then I want to do something to get out and meet people and help....but it is hard to overcome my own inertia.

I am always amazed at the boundless energy and dedication that my team captain Kathleen has shown, not just in this endeavor but in others as well. I wonder if she is secretly Wonder Woman, because she is always up for a volunteer post/ taking on city hall/ working for something she believes in. I never see her tired or cranky. She never seems to regret being in the action and secretly wishing to be watching bad reality TV with a glass of wine and chocolate, as I am prone to do. I may want to be her when I grow up.

Over all the whole thing was a blast, I would like to make it a tradition for Audrey and I to go every year together. I wish that I had gotten it together to get a babysitter so that I could see the luminaria ceremony. I had hoped Audrey could hold out, but with the heat and the hard play all day, she just was pooping out. Maybe next year we will get to see the luminaria for Carl get lit and shine in the dark.