Notes on Remodeling

Dear Self,

I know that you are feeling pretty good about your newly "completed" kitchen. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you of a few lessons learned during this project.

1. You are NOT actually done. Please attempt to complete the remaining parts of this project in a timely manner. (Six months is NOT timely and should not even be considered as a goal, ya lazy bum.) Include the curtains since they are the whole reason you started this insane project in the first place.
2. House paint and two year olds DO NOT MIX. No, you won't be able to manage it. No, your daughter will not be content to paint a random board. No you can't, whatever your other crazy scheme is. JUST NO!
3. Please remember #2 and dress your daughter accordingly if you are stupid enough to have a can of paint open in the house while she is conscious.
4. While you are at it, please dress yourself appropriately. You can't eat without spilling stuff on yourself. What the hell made you think that you can paint in your one pair of decent shorts without getting paint on them? And WHY would you change out of your "good" shorts into another non-grubby outfit when you knew you weren't done. Why, self, WHY?
5. Additionally, pay attention to the prep work. The paint is on you, the paint is on the floor and the paint is on the counter. I know that by the time you taped stuff off and put plastic over the cabinets you were anxious to start the "real" work. Guess what? The prep work is "real" work. Plus it saves you from spending what seems like an eternity scraping paint off of shit with a razor blade.
6. Please for the LOVE OF GOD think about a project like this for more than 15 mins. I know you had the paint in the garage, and you were feeling a little crappy about flaking out on something you committed to, but remodeling is probably NOT the most practical mood lifter in this instance. Because really the mood doesn't get lifted until you finish the darn thing. Plus, a week of trying to figure out how to feed your kid breakfast and lunch when you have disconnected the oven is difficult without preplanning.
7. If you don't heed #6, please at least CLEAN THE DAMN KITCHEN before you start tearing apart the cabinets.

That is all for now.

Love you lots,

Yourself