I had fully intended to come in here and write about culinary school. Everyone likes to read about it they tell me. And why shouldn't you, food is fun. But then I read that someone I really like and admire has found out that their brother in law was diagnosed with Cancer and is waiting for information and more tests to determine a course of action. And that sucks. It particularly sucks because this week three different people I know are stepping up to say that Cancer is coming into their lives or may be making a reappearance.

I never know what to do or say to someone who is dealing cancer. I am always sure that my mere existence is a constant reminder to them that their loved one may not make it. And who really wants to subject themselves to that when your brain is already shouting, "DANGER Will Robinson, DANGER." On the other hand I am probably someone who KNOWS what you are going through. I have been there and done that and come out the other side. So I offer up some things I found to be truths in my dealings with the big C. (Although your mileage may vary.)

1. You are never more together as a couple as you are when you are fighting cancer. Coming together to work toward a common goal will focus you on your family and what is important to you in a way that nothing else will.
2. You are never further apart than you are when you disagree about what must be done in a life and death situation. It is hard to watch someone you love struggle and feel that they are not brave enough to take the next step.
3. Cancer can stop the world. Like I said in #1, Cancer can push things to the back. This can be a good thing but it can be a double edged sword. It is easy to not worry about anything but this moment and then find that a year or more has gone by and you haven't spent more than a trivial amount of time thinking about anything but Cancer. This is particularly true because there are people who live with Cancer for years. I can only imagine that it begins to feel like you are stuck in a never-ending session of mental torture. Think about something else for a bit. Seriously, try thinking about yourself and what you enjoy.
4. The patient will spend most of their time worrying about his/her family, everyone else will spend their time worrying about him/her. Don't dismiss either concern. You may think that no one needs to worry about you, but that doesn't mean that they are going to stop or that the worry isn't valid.
5. Stop talking about cancer all the time. Try it just for a day. Declare one day a week CANCER FREE day and just take a day that you don't discuss the same thing over and over again.
6. Take a moment to realize that people are flawed and you are stressed. They will annoy you. Possibly even infuriate you. Try to look for the meaning behind the actions/words that are driving you up a wall. You may find that they mean well but don't know how to show it. Or you may find that they deserve to have the air let out of their tires in the middle of the night. If the later is the case, call me and we will plot.
7. For those who know someone who is struggling with the cancer of a loved one, realize that people handle stress and grief differently. Some people are calm and make light, that doesn't mean they don't care. Some people are filled with rage and fury and rail at the world, that doesn't mean you should avoid them. Compassion is key.

I think that is all I got right now.