Decisions, Decisions

One would think that if you are prone to over thinking EVERY decision like I am that you would be able to come to a few concrete opinions on whether the decisions made at tipping points in your life were good or bad. Spending time devoting yourself to whether or not that third glass of wine was a good idea, or if you should have used a different filter on a Facebook post should prime your brain to help you decide if the course of action you took on a big decision was the right thing to do, or just unnecessarily mucked things up. But you would be wrong......at least in my case.

In fact, since I can't seem to come to a decision on most of my decisions, every time a new one comes along, I must lie awake and try to decide for all the old debates that are long past being changed. Was it better to decide to go to college half-assedly or would it have been better to take a break? Did I pick the right guy to marry? Did I make the right decision to have a kid when my husband had cancer? Return to work or stay at home? Private or Public Preschool? Elementary School? Every decision has led to good and bad things. There are only two things I can point at that I would change if I had the chance. 1. Getting the proper amount of life insurance on Carl and I . 2. When I got hormonally wacked out on the Depo shot in my early twenties, I wish someone had stopped me from sending letters filled with THE CRAZY to an ex boyfriend. (Seriously, I can't tell you how many times I have wished to take those letters back.)

So, as I look at yet another sleepless night filled with assessing my decision making abilities both past and present, I have to say, I guess it is a good thing that there is very little in my life that I fully regret. There may be a pang here and there, but mostly.......I trust myself. (Now if only my brain would get the message so I could sleep.)