1. I spend a lot of time in bathrooms frequented by 5 year old boys. They have NOTHING on 12-13 year old girls when it comes to shear grossness in this arena. Here are the things I never thought I would have to say, but did.
*DO NOT pick your nose and wipe the boogers on the bathroom stall.
*Pooping in the shower stall is UNACCEPTABLE.
*WHY in GOD'S NAME would you throw a used sanitary product on the bathroom floor?
*I don't care HOW mad you are at someone, PEEING on their sleeping bag is NOT the answer.
2. Telenovelas have NOTHING on 12-15 year old girls when it comes to drama.
3. Individually, these girls are lovely, wonderful human beings and I would invite them into my house any day. As a pack, these girls are beyond tiring both emotionally and physically.
4. There are NO sick days at camp. Oh, you have a fever, are losing your voice and can't really breathe through your nose? Suck it up buttercup. You need to get 16 girls moving even though they don't want to.
5. I am totally willing to go up and down a hill that is the equivalent of 10 flights of stairs at 6 AM to be able to drink a good cup of coffee without anyone under 18 talking to me, and take a shower.
6. Kids will eat like starving orphans if you put them out in the woods and make them hike up and down hills, kayak and run on the beach. In fact, they will eat just about anything not nailed down by the end of the week, and may fight to the death over who gets the last slice of garlic bread.
7. You will return from camp craving fresh fruits and vegetables, even though the food is REALLY good. The only vegetables at camp are mush or Caesar salad drowning in dressing.
8. After nearly 30 days of camping and either shopping in tiny stores in middle of nowhere Montana or having the camp kitchen do the kitchen, stopping at Safeway is a little overwhelming.
9. I need to remember that chocolate is a MUST the night I return from a trip, and I MUST figure this out before the kid goes to sleep.
10. If you make friends with the cooks, they will send you home with a care package of the leftovers so you only have to make side dishes for several days after you leave camp. (And they will set aside the GOOD leftovers before offering the rest to the regular staff.)
11. 150 Girls in a dining hall make an ungodly racket.
12. If you encourage girls to bang on the tables, they will do so. They will do it hard enough to spill the drinks on the table.
13. Given a group of adults, I will always be able to find the ones with the dirty minds and childish senses of humor. When you are attempting to get everyone to sit silently and reflect on their wonderful camp experience, we will be in the back, nudging each other with tears streaming down our faces as our shoulders shake with the effort to hold back the laughter because the 12 year old next to us farted, loudly.
14. Whatever the thing that you are least proud of, that is what the girls will tell their parents when they are picked up. For example, if you let a few curses fly when you think you are talking to another counselor alone but turn to find two campers standing there this will happen; "Hey mom, this is my counselor. She is SO COOL!!! Because she swears."
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Decisions, Decisions
One would think that if you are prone to over thinking EVERY decision like I am that you would be able to come to a few concrete opinions on whether the decisions made at tipping points in your life were good or bad. Spending time devoting yourself to whether or not that third glass of wine was a good idea, or if you should have used a different filter on a Facebook post should prime your brain to help you decide if the course of action you took on a big decision was the right thing to do, or just unnecessarily mucked things up. But you would be wrong......at least in my case.
In fact, since I can't seem to come to a decision on most of my decisions, every time a new one comes along, I must lie awake and try to decide for all the old debates that are long past being changed. Was it better to decide to go to college half-assedly or would it have been better to take a break? Did I pick the right guy to marry? Did I make the right decision to have a kid when my husband had cancer? Return to work or stay at home? Private or Public Preschool? Elementary School? Every decision has led to good and bad things. There are only two things I can point at that I would change if I had the chance. 1. Getting the proper amount of life insurance on Carl and I . 2. When I got hormonally wacked out on the Depo shot in my early twenties, I wish someone had stopped me from sending letters filled with THE CRAZY to an ex boyfriend. (Seriously, I can't tell you how many times I have wished to take those letters back.)
So, as I look at yet another sleepless night filled with assessing my decision making abilities both past and present, I have to say, I guess it is a good thing that there is very little in my life that I fully regret. There may be a pang here and there, but mostly.......I trust myself. (Now if only my brain would get the message so I could sleep.)
In fact, since I can't seem to come to a decision on most of my decisions, every time a new one comes along, I must lie awake and try to decide for all the old debates that are long past being changed. Was it better to decide to go to college half-assedly or would it have been better to take a break? Did I pick the right guy to marry? Did I make the right decision to have a kid when my husband had cancer? Return to work or stay at home? Private or Public Preschool? Elementary School? Every decision has led to good and bad things. There are only two things I can point at that I would change if I had the chance. 1. Getting the proper amount of life insurance on Carl and I . 2. When I got hormonally wacked out on the Depo shot in my early twenties, I wish someone had stopped me from sending letters filled with THE CRAZY to an ex boyfriend. (Seriously, I can't tell you how many times I have wished to take those letters back.)
So, as I look at yet another sleepless night filled with assessing my decision making abilities both past and present, I have to say, I guess it is a good thing that there is very little in my life that I fully regret. There may be a pang here and there, but mostly.......I trust myself. (Now if only my brain would get the message so I could sleep.)
Thursday, May 30, 2013
An Honest Assessment of Myself
"You are brave." I seem to get that a lot. And it has come up a couple of times this week. And usually it makes me either uncomfortable or pissed off. People say I am brave because I got pregnant knowing the odds were good I was going to be a single mom. I am brave because I managed to survive Carl's death. I am brave because I am willing to fly cross country alone with a one year old. I am brave because I will take my child on a long camping car trip. Heck, I am brave to camp alone as a woman. I am brave to take on the responsibility of herding 13 girls through Girl Scouts and camping. I am brave because I say what I think even if it leads to me being embarrassed.
My first reaction to most of these comments is a knee jerk denial. I am not brave. Bravery is all about facing danger, and the only thing on the line in most of my adventures is my self esteem and sanity. But then I was thinking about the real meaning of bravery, and if bravery is the showing of courage, and courage includes persevering through fear and difficulty, then I guess I am brave. It is weird to think of myself that way, since bravery (or even courage) are not generally on my list of adjectives I would use to describe myself. And most of the time I am putting on a brave face, my brain is screaming at me to flee the country (or at least the state).
But then I wonder if maybe instead of brave, I am foolhardy. Am I able to keep going in the face of fear and difficulty (brave) or am I needlessly bold (foolhardy)? Maybe I am a little of both. I can add them to the list of things I know myself to be. Stubborn, confident, intelligent, generous, a mediocre housekeeper, a great cook, a fairly decent mother, a little lazy when left to my own devices, and self reliant.
My first reaction to most of these comments is a knee jerk denial. I am not brave. Bravery is all about facing danger, and the only thing on the line in most of my adventures is my self esteem and sanity. But then I was thinking about the real meaning of bravery, and if bravery is the showing of courage, and courage includes persevering through fear and difficulty, then I guess I am brave. It is weird to think of myself that way, since bravery (or even courage) are not generally on my list of adjectives I would use to describe myself. And most of the time I am putting on a brave face, my brain is screaming at me to flee the country (or at least the state).
But then I wonder if maybe instead of brave, I am foolhardy. Am I able to keep going in the face of fear and difficulty (brave) or am I needlessly bold (foolhardy)? Maybe I am a little of both. I can add them to the list of things I know myself to be. Stubborn, confident, intelligent, generous, a mediocre housekeeper, a great cook, a fairly decent mother, a little lazy when left to my own devices, and self reliant.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Is it too early to be in a holiday funk?
I was so excited for the Christmas Season to get here this year. I was ready. I had big plans. I was going to rock the season out this year. It seemed fitting, because my plan is to return to school next fall, so this is the last year I am going to be at home full time.
Then life happened. A. caught a cold, and shared it. My car needed new tires and an alignment. A. started breaking out in hives that I can't really explain. (At first we thought it was her antibiotic, but it has now been 72 hours since her last dose and she is still getting them intermittently.) Benedryl is causing A. To sleep in weird doses, and I keep waking to check on her, so in the last three days I probably haven't slept more than two hours at a time and wake up is sometime between 4:30 and 7. There was driving white knuckled to the in-law's house in torrential rain and pea soup fog. Because I feel unwell my house looks like no one has been cleaning, because no one has been cleaning. Several of our acts of kindness got pushed aside (it is hard to collect trash in the neighborhood when it is pouring, and playing with Grandma trumps writing to a solider). And I seem to have tweaked my back either hefting the tree, or the third row seats in my car, or some combination there of.
So, while I am not Grinch-like, I am having a hard time summoning up a lot of holiday spirit. All I want is to lay down and sleep. Hopefully to wake and find the housekeeping fairies have been to my house while I napped. For A.'s doctor to identify her source of allergic reaction definitively. And it could be nice if I won the lottery while I am piling up the wishful thinking.
Alas, I am the mom. A single mom at that. So I will drag myself up, swallow a handful of Tylenol and some coffee, pull on my big girl panties and use the early wake up time to blog then do laundry. I will drag the girl to the doctor's office and then to her hair appointment and our appointment for holiday pictures. Hacking all the way.
Then life happened. A. caught a cold, and shared it. My car needed new tires and an alignment. A. started breaking out in hives that I can't really explain. (At first we thought it was her antibiotic, but it has now been 72 hours since her last dose and she is still getting them intermittently.) Benedryl is causing A. To sleep in weird doses, and I keep waking to check on her, so in the last three days I probably haven't slept more than two hours at a time and wake up is sometime between 4:30 and 7. There was driving white knuckled to the in-law's house in torrential rain and pea soup fog. Because I feel unwell my house looks like no one has been cleaning, because no one has been cleaning. Several of our acts of kindness got pushed aside (it is hard to collect trash in the neighborhood when it is pouring, and playing with Grandma trumps writing to a solider). And I seem to have tweaked my back either hefting the tree, or the third row seats in my car, or some combination there of.
So, while I am not Grinch-like, I am having a hard time summoning up a lot of holiday spirit. All I want is to lay down and sleep. Hopefully to wake and find the housekeeping fairies have been to my house while I napped. For A.'s doctor to identify her source of allergic reaction definitively. And it could be nice if I won the lottery while I am piling up the wishful thinking.
Alas, I am the mom. A single mom at that. So I will drag myself up, swallow a handful of Tylenol and some coffee, pull on my big girl panties and use the early wake up time to blog then do laundry. I will drag the girl to the doctor's office and then to her hair appointment and our appointment for holiday pictures. Hacking all the way.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Look at all the lovely ornaments, where do they all come from?
When I first moved out of my parents house I, like many newly minted adults, had absolutely no Christmas tree ornaments. I was also broke, so buying a lot of new ornaments at $3-7 a pop was out of the question. So I bought a bunch of ball ornaments. I tried to get fancy ones that had glitter and snowmen (or something) on them. They were better than nothing, but not as satisfying as a tree covered in ornaments that mean something to you.
When I moved in with my husband, I had a little more money, but he was very Bah, Humbug about Christmas and our merger meant we were attending two family Christmases and were not home on either Christmas eve or Christmas day. I bought a couple cases of nice mercury glass ornaments and a metal ornament tree, instead of a real tree we would set it up on our entry table and put the presents under the table. It was pretty perfect for just the two of us. A good mix for a Grinch and a Christmas lover. That worked for a while. We acquired a few random ornaments including one from our wedding and one from our honeymoon. But it really wasn't a priority.
When A. came along, I started thinking about Christmas traditions and what I wanted for her. I decided to buy her an ornament every year she could take with her when she moved out. About the same time I read an article about buying an ornament while you are on vacations so every time you decorate the tree, you remember all the fun things you have done. So since A.'s birth our ornament collection has grown exponentially. We probably have acquired 10 a year between trips, buying for A. and just finding things I like. (Because once I get on a roll it is hard to stop.) Then there are the crafty ornaments A. has made in preschool and with mom and Grandma. We now have so many ornaments they don't all fit on a six foot tree.
Last year I decided to write down a brief description of where the ornaments came from. Which have really special meanings to me and which are just pretty little things along for the ride. And it got me thinking about other people's ornaments. How do other people collect their ornaments? Where did my Grandparents ornaments go when they passed? When my late husband's grandmother passed, there were no ornaments to be found. Where did they go? I asked a few of my friends and while most of them hadn't thought about it, they didn't think there were any ornaments left from their grandparents. They mostly knew their moms had ornaments from their childhood, but what happened to the one's from their parents childhood?
So, use the comments and tell me about your ornaments. Do you collect them with method in mind, or just the one's that speak to you? Are they too expensive to be bothered with, or does your tree need to be completely color coordinated and decorator approved? Do you have old ornaments from your childhood or from your grandparents? What's the story?
In parting, I will leave you with a picture of my latest ornament that we bought on our trip down the California coast this summer. It's hand blown glass was originally designed to be a window sun catcher, but with a change to the holder is now on the tree. One secret I will tell you is that buying ornaments on vacations sometimes requires a little creativity. In June you can't always find a good ornament, but things like sun catchers and keychains can often be converted from their original purpose to a great ornament.
When I moved in with my husband, I had a little more money, but he was very Bah, Humbug about Christmas and our merger meant we were attending two family Christmases and were not home on either Christmas eve or Christmas day. I bought a couple cases of nice mercury glass ornaments and a metal ornament tree, instead of a real tree we would set it up on our entry table and put the presents under the table. It was pretty perfect for just the two of us. A good mix for a Grinch and a Christmas lover. That worked for a while. We acquired a few random ornaments including one from our wedding and one from our honeymoon. But it really wasn't a priority.
When A. came along, I started thinking about Christmas traditions and what I wanted for her. I decided to buy her an ornament every year she could take with her when she moved out. About the same time I read an article about buying an ornament while you are on vacations so every time you decorate the tree, you remember all the fun things you have done. So since A.'s birth our ornament collection has grown exponentially. We probably have acquired 10 a year between trips, buying for A. and just finding things I like. (Because once I get on a roll it is hard to stop.) Then there are the crafty ornaments A. has made in preschool and with mom and Grandma. We now have so many ornaments they don't all fit on a six foot tree.
Last year I decided to write down a brief description of where the ornaments came from. Which have really special meanings to me and which are just pretty little things along for the ride. And it got me thinking about other people's ornaments. How do other people collect their ornaments? Where did my Grandparents ornaments go when they passed? When my late husband's grandmother passed, there were no ornaments to be found. Where did they go? I asked a few of my friends and while most of them hadn't thought about it, they didn't think there were any ornaments left from their grandparents. They mostly knew their moms had ornaments from their childhood, but what happened to the one's from their parents childhood?
So, use the comments and tell me about your ornaments. Do you collect them with method in mind, or just the one's that speak to you? Are they too expensive to be bothered with, or does your tree need to be completely color coordinated and decorator approved? Do you have old ornaments from your childhood or from your grandparents? What's the story?
In parting, I will leave you with a picture of my latest ornament that we bought on our trip down the California coast this summer. It's hand blown glass was originally designed to be a window sun catcher, but with a change to the holder is now on the tree. One secret I will tell you is that buying ornaments on vacations sometimes requires a little creativity. In June you can't always find a good ornament, but things like sun catchers and keychains can often be converted from their original purpose to a great ornament.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
A rough start to the Holidays
Yesterday I rolled out our first holiday experience. I had bought an advent calendar to use as our Christmas countdown. Each pocket is about business sized and I printed two business cards for each day, one with something fun for us to do and one with something nice for us to do for others. I added a small gift to each pocket (even though it was a tight fit for some of the gifts). I thought A. would be over the moon.
The reveal started well. A. was excited (mostly about the presents, those pesky cards are just an afterthought). I explained we were going to open one a day but if she opened any of the other presents I would remove them all. We looked at the cards, our fun activity was going to be going to the town parade and we were going to donate some canned goods to a food drive when we attended a Girl Scout event. A. opened her present and received a ornament that was shaped like Merida from Brave. But within five mins, she was overcome with the need to open another present. She was fiddling with them and managed to sneak one past me and into her room. Then she returned to ask me where the present for day 20 was, in a sly little voice that told me she knew exactly where it was. And asked if she could open yet another.
All hell broke loose when I made good on my threats to remove all the presents and screaming, crying and some hitting broke out, earning her some time in her room on top of the loss of her presents. After a couple more minor squirmishes I decided I was definitely not taking this show on the road and canceled our Girl Scout outing. But I was unable to find information about a food drive drop off that was active online, so that meant our good deed for the day was out. The Christmas parade went pretty well until I made the error of deciding to skip the tree lighting part. (Because I had underestimated the amount of arm strength in the kids so I was lugging 3 camp chairs, 2 blankets and 2 umbrellas the 3 blocks to the car while trying to make sure 2 children didn't get lost or run over. This did not lead to me wanting to stand around in a large crowd.) There was much disappointment over that decision that lead to A. losing some toys for a week. I was trying to make a point about being thankful for what we have (ie. getting to go to the parade) instead of getting upset about what we don't (seeing the tree lighting), but it is possible this lesson in managing our disappointment so as to avoid a melt down and a bad attitude is currently beyond her.
I don't know what is going on, but we are definitely in a phase of pushing every limit and trying to see which requests and statements I REALLY mean and which are just suggestions. (Normally I do want her to do everything I ask her to, but in the interest of picking my battles, sometimes I let go of things I don't care as much about if I get push back.) I think part of it is that I find that I am finding myself expecting more from A. At five and in kindergarten, I expect that she is reaching a point where she should listen better and help out more. I also am reaching the point where I expect her to start managing her attitude after being disappointed or corrected. Up until now, as long as she took her time out or did what I asked, I didn't fuss much about the 'tude, but that is changing. I don't expect her to like everything, but I do think she needs to start finding the ability to be respectful even when she doesn't like what is happening. Maybe that is pie in the sky thinking, or maybe it is something I should have expected a long time ago. Parenting is hard that way.
So yesterday was a day of frustration for everyone involved and the countdown was more of a let down. But today is a new day, and maybe we can both find some new 'tudes to go with it.
The reveal started well. A. was excited (mostly about the presents, those pesky cards are just an afterthought). I explained we were going to open one a day but if she opened any of the other presents I would remove them all. We looked at the cards, our fun activity was going to be going to the town parade and we were going to donate some canned goods to a food drive when we attended a Girl Scout event. A. opened her present and received a ornament that was shaped like Merida from Brave. But within five mins, she was overcome with the need to open another present. She was fiddling with them and managed to sneak one past me and into her room. Then she returned to ask me where the present for day 20 was, in a sly little voice that told me she knew exactly where it was. And asked if she could open yet another.
All hell broke loose when I made good on my threats to remove all the presents and screaming, crying and some hitting broke out, earning her some time in her room on top of the loss of her presents. After a couple more minor squirmishes I decided I was definitely not taking this show on the road and canceled our Girl Scout outing. But I was unable to find information about a food drive drop off that was active online, so that meant our good deed for the day was out. The Christmas parade went pretty well until I made the error of deciding to skip the tree lighting part. (Because I had underestimated the amount of arm strength in the kids so I was lugging 3 camp chairs, 2 blankets and 2 umbrellas the 3 blocks to the car while trying to make sure 2 children didn't get lost or run over. This did not lead to me wanting to stand around in a large crowd.) There was much disappointment over that decision that lead to A. losing some toys for a week. I was trying to make a point about being thankful for what we have (ie. getting to go to the parade) instead of getting upset about what we don't (seeing the tree lighting), but it is possible this lesson in managing our disappointment so as to avoid a melt down and a bad attitude is currently beyond her.
I don't know what is going on, but we are definitely in a phase of pushing every limit and trying to see which requests and statements I REALLY mean and which are just suggestions. (Normally I do want her to do everything I ask her to, but in the interest of picking my battles, sometimes I let go of things I don't care as much about if I get push back.) I think part of it is that I find that I am finding myself expecting more from A. At five and in kindergarten, I expect that she is reaching a point where she should listen better and help out more. I also am reaching the point where I expect her to start managing her attitude after being disappointed or corrected. Up until now, as long as she took her time out or did what I asked, I didn't fuss much about the 'tude, but that is changing. I don't expect her to like everything, but I do think she needs to start finding the ability to be respectful even when she doesn't like what is happening. Maybe that is pie in the sky thinking, or maybe it is something I should have expected a long time ago. Parenting is hard that way.
So yesterday was a day of frustration for everyone involved and the countdown was more of a let down. But today is a new day, and maybe we can both find some new 'tudes to go with it.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Thankfulness
I think I am going to try this blogging every day for December thing. Like Holidailies, only without joining, because that would be too much commitment.
For November we did thirty days of Thanksgiving where I asked Audrey every day what she was thankful for and we put it on the wall on a leaf. It was nice decoration and helped try to focus her on one holiday at a time while Christmas was popping up everywhere. This entry may be boring to everyone else, but I wanted to take a minute and write down what we are thankful for in the last month, to refer to in December when the holidays threaten to make me lose my mind.
So in November Audrey was thankful for.....
For November we did thirty days of Thanksgiving where I asked Audrey every day what she was thankful for and we put it on the wall on a leaf. It was nice decoration and helped try to focus her on one holiday at a time while Christmas was popping up everywhere. This entry may be boring to everyone else, but I wanted to take a minute and write down what we are thankful for in the last month, to refer to in December when the holidays threaten to make me lose my mind.
So in November Audrey was thankful for.....
- Thanksgiving Dinner (At first she wasn't that clear on the idea.)
- Playdates
- My Guinea Pigs
- Tv
- Finding caterpillars
- Family
- That Christmas is coming (Ok, that focusing on one holiday at a time is hard.)
- Grandma Meg and Grandpa Creed
- Friends who can play
- A sleep over at Grandma's house
- Going to see Beauty and the Beast
- Seeing the beautiful monarchs
- Karate class
- Family
- Sleepovers with friends
- Mom buys me fun crafts to do
- Lighting a candle at dinner
- My friend Patricia
- Grandma Leslie and Grandpa Carl came to dinner
- Tyler coming to play
- My friend Tyler
- My cousins
- Sleeping over with Grandma Leslie
- Playing with Brynna
- Having a friend over tomorrow
- Cabbage White butterflies
- Being a Girl Scout
- Going to Storytime with Mr. John
- Candy
- My friend Kerigan
I was thankful for ......
- A wonderful daughter
- My parents
- My brothers
- A good night sleep
- Good food
- The right to vote
- Audrey goes to school (What? I never claimed to be the parent of the year here.)
- Great neighbors
- Good Company
- That I have been able to stay home
- Good Friends
- We live so close to so many beautiful nature preserves
- Audrey has a great teacher
- The ability to take a long walk
- Mom's night out
- To never have worried about being homeless
- Time to exercise
- Being able to volunteer for the Girl Scouts
- For fun outings with my daughter
- Having healthcare
- A big backyard
- Never being without food
- Time to prepare for Christmas
- A clean house (however briefly it lasts)
- A warm blanket and a snuggle with Audrey
- Time to play with Audrey
- Dessert
- Audrey's active nature
- That our family is healthy
- Rain!
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